The Life and Times of Tsukioka Yosho

Anonymous vs. Scientology

2008-04-27T22:08:00.001-07:00

For the past 14 years, an invisible war has been raging on the Internet. Since 1994, the Church of Scientology has been engaged in a desperate battle against, well, a bunch of kids.

Anonymous’s struggle against Scientology shows how, against both a powerful organization and the media, a group of purposeful individuals can prevail. It exemplifies the best thing about the Internet: anyone can have a voice, and with enough voices, the world will take notice.

Last month, over 9000 protesters rallied at Scientology churches around the globe. They carried signs and wore Guy Fawkes masks (as made popular by the movie “V for Vendetta”), to remain anonymous.

Because that’s their name: Anonymous. Feared by some, and called “hackers on steroids” by the mainstream media, Anonymous is a powerful force on the Internet, and now, in real life. It has no leaders, and no measure of knowing how many people are members. In effect, Anonymous could be anyone and everyone.

By protesting, Anonymous showed that, even if only a small portion of its members are shown, it creates headline news. The protests were covered by national news agencies such as Newsweek and the Los Angeles Times, as well as local news stations.

These protests, which were held at 17 locations around the globe, marked the start of something even bigger, something unprecedented on the Internet.

They marked a shift from argument to action. More and more, people on the Internet are taking a stand for their beliefs.

Anonymous and other groups are showing us that we can have ultimate freedom of speech, with no repercussions. In an age of wiretapping and censorship, this is a very good thing.

If people can express themselves without worrying about the backlash, they will be more willing to speak. As the protests have shown, if Anonymous speaks, it will be heard.

These protests followed three videos, released by Anonymous on Youtube. They attack the Church of Scientology for its litigious nature, its overwhelming secrecy, and its coverups of certain members’ deaths.

Anonymous makes a note that it isn’t attacking the religion itself, but the methods it uses. By its very nature, it promotes the freedoms of speech and expression, and oppose actions of the Church of Scientology, especially their habit of suing any and all critics of the church.

The next protest will be on March 15, the birthday of Scientology creator L. Ron Hubbard.

It is expected that even more people will show up now that the idea of anonymous protesting has been proven safe and effective. Remember, Anonymous is not some “Internet hate machine”.

Anonymous is anyone who takes a stand for freedom of speech, anyone who wants his or her opinion to be heard.

It consists of friends, teachers, family members and total strangers.

Irrational Behaviour and Vaccination

2008-04-27T21:59:00.000-07:00

Last March, four students of California High School organized a Hepatitis B awareness week, to promote treatment of this terrible disease.

The treatment, which is both safe and effective, is vaccination. Hepatitis B is an epidemic in many Asian countries which are too poor to afford the vaccine, relying instead on the help of charitable organizations to help them.

It is both disturbing and wrong, then, that people who can afford medical care in the United States choose to forgo getting vaccinated. Not for themselves, but for their children.

Last month, in Wisconsin, a family brutally murdered their oldest daughter, isolating her for a month as she died a slow, excruciating death. As her corpse was taken off to the coroner’s, her family was smiling. There were no charges pressed. That family has two more children.

Two weeks ago, in southern California, 12 children were infected, with 70 more quarantined, due to an outbreak of a disease barely seen in over a decade. This outbreak was due to the actions of one mother, who didn’t do the first thing to protect her children; Vaccinate them.

What do these two incidents have in common? In both cases, the reason given by the family was, “personal religious matters.”

These two cases illustrate that even though the severity of the parents’ actions vary, their motivation is the same. There are a growing number of people in this country who don’t protect their children from the most easily preventable of diseases, and don’t provide adequate medical care for them when they fall ill.

In the first case, the child had diabetic ketoacidosis, a disease in which one loses insulin. This disease can be easily treated if one has access to insulin shots, which the family in question did.

The fact that they chose to pray, rather than consult a doctor, as their daughter was dying in her bed amounts to criminal negligence. That they still don’t think they did anything wrong shows their sheer madness. These people are not alone.

In southern California and Arizona, there has been a recent rise in PBE’s, “personal belief exemptions.” These allow parents to enroll their children in school without having to vaccinate them, and they are given on the basis of religious objection to vaccination. The number of PBE’s given has grown 6% a year since 2001, and continues unabated.

The disease in the specific case in Measles, which is easily preventable with the MMR vaccine. Before the United States implemented the vaccine, there were 450 deaths and 1,000 children chronically disabled per year. There were also a further 28,000 hospitalizations. Now, the disease has been virtually eliminated from North America, with the notable exception of Southern California.

If people choose to not vaccinate themselves because of their religious beliefs, that is one thing. But the parents in both these cases didn’t provide for their children, who they are legally and ethically obligated to protect. This amounts to nothing less than gross incompetence on the parents’ part, and they should be punished to the furthest extent of the law.

I’m not advocating forced sterilization, but perhaps these people should be put somewhere where their irrational beliefs don’t harm others. Like an asylum.

Why I support Barack Obama

2008-04-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

When the democratic primaries started, I was rooting for Senator Joe Biden. He seemed the most suitable candidate for the job, and I agreed with his stances on many issues. As the primaries wore on, though, his viability visibly waned. He dropped out soon after.

I was left with a decision. Hillary Clinton, or Barack Obama? I didn't know much about either candidate, so I decided to investigate. I looked into their backgrounds, and saw what they stood for. The choice was clear.

To me, Senator Obama represents all that I've been working for. He's honest, uncorrupted (and hopefully incorruptible), and understands the issues. If it were just that, I would vote for him over all other contenders. But he's also diplomatic, and he has the skill and social grace to be the President, something we've been missing for the past eight years.

The more I've researched, the more I've come to believe in Senator Obama's vision. I want to do everything I can to help him, and to help the Democratic Party enact the change that it should stand for.

Wow!

2008-04-10T21:25:00.001-07:00

ｷﾀ━━━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━━━ !!!!!

That is all.

SARTRE

2008-04-09T00:07:00.001-07:00

I've fallen in love with the SARTRE programming language. Here's a little program I wrote today:

Nihilator Sartre2;
{love}
Const 3 = !!;
Matter dooM: integer;
Rniqqlj:en-soi, rank "3", of pour-soi
Act
IF ;
LVAL := expr ;
again ;
IF ;
Life Is Meaningless ;
No more ; .

Photographs

2008-03-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been taking a few photographs, and I'd like to share them with you all. They aren't really Myfriendstorkutbooky, so I'll post them on my picasa album. You can visit it if you like. Please give me some feedback, as I'd like to improve.

(All images are licensed under Creative Commons Non-Commercial Attribution 3.0 License. This means you can share them, make derivative works, and use them personally, as long as you attribute them. Thank you for helping me support CreativeCommons!)

Two Blogs?

2008-03-14T17:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I just joined a scholarship contest for this website, so I'll be posting a lot in this other blog. Yeah, I know I don't post nearly as much as I should, but my life has been pretty hectic at the moment. I guess I'll give a brief synopsis:

1. I have achieved geekhood. I am now as close as I can get to being perfectly content in my geekiness. I have finished compiling all the tools necessary (Desktop, Laptop, iPhone, Nintendo DS, Camera, Guitar), and now am both 100% efficient and 100% entertained.

2. I'm generally happy in my life. I'm going out with a nice girl, Ihara Aya, who is an exchange student from Japan. I wish I hadn't neglected my studies this past year; I could've used that knowledge with her more. I also got a new job, where I have nearly doubled my salary from its previous rate. It should keep increasing from here on out.

3. I bought a ton of books, and now have more entertainment than I have free time. This is an altogether new experience for me, and an enjoyable one. I'm currently reading Dan Simmons' "The Terror", which I highly recommend.

4. I got into RIT, and will be moving to Rochester, NY in Autumn, and I got cold weather clothing. I feel happy about this. Coats and Scarves for the win.

RON PAUL, /b/

2008-03-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

I hope to see all of you March 15, in San Francisco. We should have a better turnout this time.

Anonymous does not forgive.
Anonymous does not forget.
Anonymous is Legion.

Expect us.

Portfolio

2008-03-02T21:55:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the portfolio I've compiled for Photo. They are the most unique, least shitty pictures I've taken in the past half-year or so.

Tomorrow I'm getting my D50. I have a lens. I can't wait.

I'm Cynical. Yay.

2008-02-29T00:22:00.001-08:00

You know, I was just reading my last post and I realized: I'm a callous person, sometimes. The scary thing is, I really mean what I say.

I seek escapism, while wanting to be alive. I wish I had friends, I wish I had family. I don't.

I have a small group of people who I trust with everything, and a large group who I don't. Unfortunately, I actually do care about people, regardless of what some people think.

I care about things I've done to people. Yesterday I nearly cried at your (my only reader's) house, because I'm still terribly sorry for the things I did. I care. I try to suppress it, but I care.

I care about the "unwashed masses." I care about the people who don't "deserve it." I care about the people who teased my and attacked me throughout all my life, even when I was condemning them to die in my daydreams. I care about them, and I wish they would THINK, become sentient.

I care about religious people, paranoid people, irrational people. I care about the poor, the rich, the sick and healthy. I care. Is that a problem?

Sometimes I think I care too much, and try to hide it. I try to act as if everything is fine and dandy. If I were a violent person I would have killed many, many people, myself included. I mean, I deserve to die. You deserve to die. All of humanity, on average, deserves to die.

BUT THAT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. "Deserve" has nothing to do with the real world, and should be left to the realm of philosophy. Everything is what it is, NO MORE, NO LESS. Why can't people accept this? Why can't people accept anything?

I wish they wouldn't be such wankers.

Thank God for School Shootings

2008-02-29T00:13:00.000-08:00

You know, right now I'm so angry I can barely write. I arrived home at 11:00 pm tonight, which is a perfectly reasonable time. As per my father's bloody puritan views, though, it was "late."

Now I have no car, no freedom, and; most likely, soon no house. Yes, he threatened to kick me out.

I was home at 11:00 pm.

He is, slowly but surely, dismantling all of my carefully layed plans, with about as much subtlety as a madman with a chainsaw.

I'm still nearly quivering with rage. He asked me, "What are you going to do with the next 6 months?"

It took all of my effort not to reply, "try to persuade myself not to stab you. repeatedly."

Seriously, if I weren't a fucking intelligent, clear-minded person, I would be one of those people who shoot up schools. Not saying they don't deserve it.

2008-02-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

Here's something to think about:

Relationships as a medium for the level of personal space we give to someone.

If you think about "personal space" like an onion, it makes sense. The greater a relationship we are in with someone, the more layers of the onion they can peel off.

For instance, (in American culture), you can hug someone of the opposite sex and they won't get pissed off, if you two are friends. You can kiss them on the cheek, if you are good friends. You can give them a kiss on the lips if you are "boyfriend/girlfriend" (English still doesn't have a good word for that, so I'll use Spanish). Also, depending on what kind of novios you are, you can do other things (kiss on the neck, "make out," sexification).

This, perhaps, is an answer to the question of why people think of relationships as a status, rather than a series of events (dates). For example, people might go out on dates, yet never have a "relationship." And, the opposite is also true. People can be novios, yet go out so infrequently as to seem like nothing is going on.

The point I'm trying to make with all of this is that I'm both "going out" and going out with someone. Haha, just in time for Valentine's Day? Well, two days off ain't bad.

幸せです。

Wow...

2008-02-02T12:49:00.001-08:00

It really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bushes wars really are the second most expensive in history.

RIT

2008-01-28T20:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally paid the deposit for RIT. Now I'm a student. I submitted my housing application, and set up my email account. Check my facebook for the new information.

I'm very excited.

Illicits and Age

2008-01-28T00:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I'll make this short. I'm 18 now, and my purity test score has probably gone down 10%.

I've gotten both drunk and high. And it wasn't bad. I probably won't get high in the future, because pot hurts my throat (to smoke, that is).

I also won't get drunk. I had four shots over a long period of time, so I wasn't drunk enough to have a hangover. But I was definitely effected.

All in all, it was a very nice party with friends from Berkeley; some old, some new.

Also, Jenny and Curtis must get together. That is my decree.

Also also, I just bought both a Nintendo DS and Guitar Hero III. Curtis, next time I'm in Berkeley, you're on.

Here comes the sun...

2008-01-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

(Taken from a softer world.)

So, yeah. This is me right now, sorta. I guess I'll just see what happens. See you this weekend.

Somebody get the Super Soaker

2008-01-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

If we're surrounded by only robots, are we truly alone?

Do we trade the false, unfeeling faces of computers for the false, unfeeling faces of man?

What makes an emotion "real"? What makes someone alive?

Aren't we all just ghosts in the machine?

What am I?

2008-01-02T02:33:00.000-08:00

You know, I'm not really a cynical optimist. Sure, I'm cynical, and I can be optimistic. But I'm really a content pessimist.

I usually think the worst will happen, but I'm content when it does. Sometimes I get emotional and angry, but that doesn't help matters. In the end, when I'm exhausted by emotion, and I've broken down like a crumbling cliff face, I realize that the only thing I can do is move forward.

I won't commit suicide, at least not right now. No, despite some things I've said, I really like people. They're interesting, and I'd like to figure them out. I don't know if I'll ever be successful as one, but I'll try.

If that last thing sounded odd to you, I apologize. That's just my particular breed of insanity. It seems more and more that everyone I meet is mad in some way, and I'm no exception.

Well, it's 02:38 right now, and I am calm enough to go to bed. I'll just finish Flight of the Conchords, do some work, then get some sleep. Also, has anyone seen my copy of Lady Vengeance?

You know what I just realized?

2007-12-30T02:51:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I pour my heart out, into this blog. Maybe I do so I don't have to keep it in my chest. It's safer there, but colder.

Anyways, I thought I'd lighten the mood with a picture. You know, I always take pictures in that same position, it seems.

You know, I'm fucking bipolar

2007-12-30T02:25:00.000-08:00

That's what it seems like. One minute I'm happy and carefree, then the next I'm reminded of something, and it shatters.

I have all these feelings for people, from the shortest acquaintance to the most intimate lover, but I can't take any action. I'm standing on a minefield, and every time I test the ground next to me, it explodes.

I know I can't do anything, and yet I feel like the time is just slipping away, and it'll be gone before I have a chance to make things right. Things could be so good, but I cannot make them that way.

Once again in my life, I feel alone.

I thought that by talking with people and learning about them, I might become one. But it seems that this is impossible. I'm a non-person, a non-entity. I am redundant, and expendable. Sure, I might be smart, but there are a million smarter people. I have no talents, and no social status. I'm a proletariat in suburbia. What the fuck?

I honestly don't know what to do with my life. I have such grand dreams, but who are we kidding? People will stop at nothing to corrupt themselves, to stop progress, and to be immoral. I can't see any way to stop it. I can't.

The people I've talked to are similar. They are lost, confused, isolated. Yet, and I'm not sure if this is fear or self preservation, they can't let go of the social forces holding them down. They want to be successful in the eyes of society.

Then there are those who do not, and I love each and every one of them. Unfortunately, they have the worst case of (what I'm calling) Postmodern Syndrome. They are frequently depressed, abuse alcohol, inflict pain upon themselves, and generally engage in self destructive behaviour. I love them. I love them, and I want them to grok; grok each other, and grok themselves. They are people reading this blog, and they know: We need to find a solution to this problem. We need to find a solution to every problem. We have to, because we are the ones who see the problems in society.

This is more a rant than a blog entry, but I need to let it out.

I lie in bed every night, thinking. Sometimes, after the soft sounds of sleeping from my cell phone have made me smile, I imagine. My mind constructs scenarios of warm bodies and soft blankets. God, I wish these scenarios were true. I hate my mind, sometimes, because of this. I hate my dreams, for they give me false hope. I hate my optimism for always being wrong, and my pessimism for always being right. I have so much hatred, I couldn't bear to show it. If I allowed myself to indulge in more than printed words on a screen, I'd tear myself apart.

I imagine all of this, and I shiver. I shiver because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the world, I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of myself, of the hatred in me. I don't want it to show. I really don't.

"I want to be free from desolation and despair."

Dazed and Confused

2007-12-29T01:00:00.000-08:00

You know, it's become harder and harder to rationalize my feelings for people. I mean, I have a pretty clear picture of how I feel about some people, but I don't want to feel that way towards them. I know it would just complicate matters. I honestly don't know what to do.

College

2007-12-27T00:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I got into RIT, and I'd really like to go. I want to leave my parents and live on my own. Well, I've always wanted that... how sad, no?

I am so psyched. I really am. If not for the terrible spectre of my current situation, I would be jumping for fucking joy.

My dad doesn't want me to go.

RIT is expensive. Really expensive. I don't expect any financial aid from my parents. I'm going to be in debt. I know this.

My dad was never in debt for college. Fuck him. He went to Chico State.

Need I say more?

Time is Running Out

2007-12-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about how we seniors form relationships, and I've realized something: We have half a year left. Then, highschool will be over, and we'll be scattered like leaves on the breeze.

I think we should stop the foolishness of awkwardness, of "does he like me?". We should be more open with each other. There's no reason not to be. If you have feelings for someone, tell them. Spend time with them, enjoy the moment. It won't last.

Don't let that get you down, though. If you spend your time enjoying life, it will be lived. Don't fret over small things, and care for people. There are people that care for you.

For all of you readers, I'd like to say thank you. I hope you continue to read this, and keep in touch, after we're separated. And, to a special someone, I'd like to say thank you. And no, it's not who you all think it is. We're just friends.

Stop.

2007-12-12T23:38:00.000-08:00

I really have trouble living like this. People enclosed in their own bubbles, secrets ricocheting in empty hallways, misinformation. I want all this lying to stop, I can't keep up with it.

We lie to our parents, to each other, to schools, to our jobs, to society. We lie and say that everything is normal and good. We say that we're doing just what people think we should be doing. This barrier might provide comfort to some, and to others it might be necessary. To that I say,

FUCK THAT SHIT.

I know I'm being hypocritical here, because I can't stop my own lies, but sometimes... sometimes one just needs to vent their frustration, no? Take down the barrier for a minute or two, take away all the sentiment, the emotions, the memories. Just have truth, laid bare.

Nicole, I know you don't have feelings as I have for you (unless your barriers are quite good, which I wouldn't put past you. You're pretty good at a lot of what you do. I mean that in a good way, of course). Don't let awkward things get you down; there's no point to be angry. I hope I can show you that I can be a good friend.

Jeni, Marta, and Nathan. I know you've read this. You might even still be reading it. You guys are really good people. Don't let silly, temporary things get in the way of your friendships. Seriously.

Jenny, if you read this. You're probably the second most important person in my life. I think, of all the people I know, you'll be a friend I'll have over the years. At least, I hope so. You're awesome.

To any other readers. If I missed you, you're probably still important to me. Don't worry, I've probably got praise to heap upon you.

Good night, and good luck.

I Love Her

2007-12-09T01:47:00.000-08:00

I love her. I fucking love her.

I know it's supposed to be friendship, taking it slow, etc etc. But I really love her.

This isn't some hormonal, teen-angst thing. Believe me, I've analyzed, re-analyzed, meta-analyzed, and re-meta-analyzed. And my conclusion remains the same. I love her. I don't know if she loves me, but I hope so.

I'm not going to read into her slightest remarks for some kind of sign. That's rubbish. I know her, I grok her. If she has feelings for me, I know exactly how they will play out. I really, really hope they do play out. She means the world to me, and every day she's gone I feel that much more alone.

She's the best person I know to have a relationship with. Of that, I'm certain. I've weighed my options, and I can't escape the conclusion that she's amazing. I don't trust myself to make the opposite assesment: Am I the best person for her? From our interactions and what I've heard, we're at least not bad for each other.

I hope tomorrow brings us one step closer to the mutual realization of our love.

Warmth and Plans

2007-12-04T22:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I had a girlfriend. Not for any satisfactions of the mind or flesh, but simply for a warm person to lie next to.

I have, am, and will always want that. Someone I can just lie with, and be comforted by their warmth. That might be one of the best feelings in the world - pure contentment.

The rest of this year doesn't matter. My grades are set, my applications are done and gone. I know many people, and I now have social relationships and networks. I am somewhat set in my ways.

So, this year, I've resolved to have fun. I'm going to meet the few people I don't know at school. I'm going to hang out with awesome people. The chances of me finding love at this stage are essentially nil, so I won't even worry about that. Let whatever happens happen. I feel carefree.

'Nuff Said

2007-11-05T22:06:00.000-08:00

Im in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Whos still around the morning after
We broke up a month ago and I grew up I didnt know
Id be around the morning after
Its always been wait and see
A happy day and then you pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around and instead falling down
Im standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
And I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after
Crooked spin cant come to rest
Im damaged bad at best
Shell decide what she wants
Ill probably be the last to know
No one says until it shows and you see how it is
They want you or they dont
Say yes
Im in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Whos still around the morning after

A New Friend

2007-11-04T21:24:00.000-08:00

Well, I've been talking with new and interesting people all week.

Instead of talking to myself

2007-10-31T22:50:00.001-07:00

So, right. I should blog, shouldn't I? Wow, it's been an interesting few weeks. Relationships, the meaning of love, and such. Today was terrible, but ended really well.

To protect the privacy of the people involved, I won't go into detail, but let it suffice that relationships are interesting.

Today was terrible, and everything I did failed. Up until about 8:00 pm tonight, when I finally had a real conversation with a girl from the internet. She exists in reality, and I'm glad.

I'll post more soon...

Sleep, Presents, Homecoming?

2007-10-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

My sleep schedule is such that I should go to sleep at 10:00 and wake up at 4:00. Then I finish the work I have to do for that day, and go to school. Unfortunately, I get to bed at 11:00 or midnight. Damn.

I've started finding presents for people. I hate holidays, but I guess a gift giving holiday is better than a starve-yourself-during-sunlit-hours holiday. I really need to find a good calendar program. Perhaps Google Calendar.

Even though I'm grounded, my dad just allowed me to go to homecoming. Unfortunately, I have no one to go with, nor was given an invitation to go with a group of friends. Oh well. I'll probably slip away to Jason's house for part of it, to play some vigigames.

My Anti-Schedule

2007-10-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

Well, due to the misplacement of a cell phone, an untidy schedule, and fascist parents, I have a few restrictions on my actions and movement. As with many restrictions on my actions, I despise them. I'm a nice person, who follows the rules (for the most part). Even though I might carry a knife, a lighter, and medication to school everyday, I am not a threat.

1. I am grounded. Indefinitely. I cannot stay after school for long, and I am generally prohibited from seeing friends.

2. I am not to use my computer for out-of-school things, such as blog posts. Furthermore, I am only allowed to spend two hours on my computer.

3. I am prohibited from going on Chamber's Retreat. Furthermore, I must reimburse my dad in the amount of $170 that he payed.

4. I am generally discouraged to violate any pissant law of his in the future, for he has threatened to bar me from going on other SCHOOL TRIPS, and generally make my life hell.

Eight months...

I'm really a happy, upbeat person.

2007-10-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

Fuck you, gravity. Really.

I'm sitting at my desk, covered in papers and cords, trying to write. The yellow light of the lamp next to me is bright, but my eyes have become gummy and blurred by the need for sleep. I feel a weight on my hear, turning my head sideways.

I turn my head to face the computer screens again. It turns back. Fuck you, head. Why do you defy me? There seems to be a loop of cabling hanging from my desk. That cable is attached to my head. The weight of the hanging portion of cable is greater than or equal to the force I exert to keep my head facing forward.

Gravity slowly pulls me downwards into sleep.

Music, Radio, and Movies

2007-10-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

So, I've been listening to Muse a lot lately. I don't feel sad, it just warms me up. Especially biking to school in the rain. Singing at the top of my lungs, speeding through the downpour on my bike, I feel good. Except I hate rain when I have very sensitive electronics / books in my bag. Which I do, always.

I recently (today) started using shuffle playlists to get myself to listen to something besides muse. I really need to, it kinda scares me when I listen to something too much.

Anyways, I was on the radio show with Mike 5, Midget, and John. I sounded quite gay up till the part where I talked about Odin and Thor having sex. Then I sounded incredibly gay. Oh well.

Also, I have no idea what's happening tomorrow. If anyone does, please call me. I'll be at the Gent. Club otherwise. My preliminary schedule:

WORK 8-2
GENT CLUB 5-7:30
CHIPOTLE 7:30-8:15
GENT CLUB 8:15-1

If anyone wants to steal me, the Gent Club is at Jason's house this week. (Kittery Ave, right near Cal High).

Also Also, Sunday I'll be in Berkeley. I'm going to see Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance with Jenny. Call me if you want to see it too. It's an amazing movie.

(925) 588-3990

Adios.

Here Comes the Sun

2007-10-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I think I've gotten over my bipolarism. Maybe. I'm a bit optimistic, and I'm trying to think of ways to show her I care about her. Hopefully, if we don't stay together, we'll still remain good friends.

That's something odd about me, I guess. Two of my best friends, who I trust with nearly everything, are ex-girlfriends. I guess it's because I tend to date people who are amazingly awesome, as opposed to what I believe are referred to as "bitches and hoes."

Nicole, I really want to be your boyfriend. I think it'd be an amazing relationship. I'm "smart as fuck," and you're "wicked awesome." Together we're fucking awesome.

Ground Control to Major Tom...

2007-10-09T21:32:00.001-07:00

I just realized something.

This feeling, now that my emotions are coming flooding back, I just realized what it was like.

Vomiting. Vomiting and Appendicitis.

It's a pain that is acute, like an inflamed appendix. When I move through my emotions, they are red and garish. It's not like fire, but like hot coals, and smoky.

It comes in waves, spasms that I cannot control. It is vomit, coming out of my heart and mind.

I feel I will be lost in emotion for awhile, so I'd just like to sign out for the night. If anyone feels like talking, please call me. I'm alone.

EDIT: You know what's interesting? My first emotion is abject terror. I wasn't expecting that. I thought it would either be self-hatred or sadness. How strange, emotions. I can barely breathe.

All you need is love

2007-10-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

Nicole, don't worry too much. I've been hurt so much in the past that another won't be too bad. Plus, this time I really did deserve it.

I give myself to you, for you to do what you wish. When you have made up your mind, don't regret your action, if it is what you truly want. Even if you discard me like a soiled rag, I'll be joyful that I've touched your hand. Nicole, you are amazing. Words cannot describe how much I love you.

Definitely Bipolar

2007-10-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm at the top of the sin wave right now. It's like the clouds have parted and all I can see is my love for you. I'm standing on the top of the world, on the highest mountain of optimism. My entire body courses with energy, shaking as I reach down into the depths of the world, into the wet, blue mists, and take your hand.

I see you look up from your slumber, your internal torment. You open your eyes and look up into mine, and I see you give the slightest smile.

I have my hand extended, from this high, golden mountain, into the blue shadows. I have your fingers clutched in mine. I say a single word: "Jump."

Please come up to meet me, while I'm still on this mountain. I know it's precarious, and I'll soon fall. But will I fall into your arms? My fingers are shaking and my arms have cramped up from typing. All I can think of is:

It's always been wait and see
A happy day and then you'll pay
And feel like shit the morning after
But now I feel changed around
And instead of falling down
I'm standing up the morning after
Situations get fucked up and turned around sooner or later
I could be another fool or an exception to the rule
You tell me the morning after

Crooked spin can't come to rest
I'm damaged bad at best
She'll decide what she wants
I'll probably be the last to know
No one says it 'til it shows
See how it is, they want you or they don't
Say yes

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl
Who's still around the morning after

Quantitative Hate

2007-10-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

Here is a brief glimpse into my mind. This is how I work:

When I'm in this logical, non-emotional state I analyze information, right? And I grok things. I grok myself. I hate myself. This hatred, though, is stronger than any other, because I know everything about the subject of my loathing. It is an interesting feeling.

I have said it before, but I need to reiterate: I am not emotional right now. Imagine Holden Caufield in Catcher in the Rye, or Richard Wright in Black Boy. This serene lack of emotion, which I've so diligently acquired over many years, is much like lucid dreaming. I'm in the calm of the storm, not buffeted by waves of emotion. I suddenly realize that this matter is easily solved and will not matter 10 years from now, like I'm in a dream. I want to get this point across, but others are emotional. They haven't analyzed the waves of emotion, re-analyzed the analysis, and then pondered that meta-analysis again.

Maybe I'm crazy. I feel sane, which means I'm definitely crazy. I apologize for the erratic nature of this post, but I'm starving; both physically and mentally. I think I shall make some dinner and listen to Death Cab.

Basically, when I am feeling emotion, all along in my room at night, I feel mostly hatred. Believe me, there's a lot of loneliness, sadness, and pessimism, but it's mostly hatred. True, unmitigated hate. I believe it was Heinlein who said that, against knowledgeable hatred, normal hatred pales in comparison. When you truly grok something you can love and hate it with a passion rarely found in the heart of man.

Nicole: I love you.
Nelson: I hate you.

The Calm in the Storm

2007-10-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

I just got home, then sat shivering outside for a few minutes. Not because of the cold, mind you. But now my emotions are suppressed, and my id constrained. Now I can write.

This is the logical part of my mind writing. This is the part that, no matter how bleak the situation, always seems to find the morbid joke. This is the part that tells me when people are teasing me that it doesn't matter, in the end.

And, well...

It doesn't. If I allowed my emotions to come pouring out in this prose, I might put forth a different oppinion. I'll let them come later. I'm good at "keeping my cool" around others, somewhat. Believe me, I've needed to. Otherwise I might have killed people; possibly myself.

But, back to my main point: We can work through this. We have to. The world hasn't stopped, although it seems like it has. Our (very) strong emotions aside, the only logical thing to do is either:

a) Move on, keep loving and caring for each other as we were. And, though you don't see it, I care for you more than you can imagine. I do.

b) Suicide. (On my part, that is) As suicide will do nothing but wipe me off the face of the earth, it's not that practical. I mean, I might be able to do some good, and help some people yet. (or at least, that's what I've been telling myself for....lets' see, 10 years?)

Nicole, before my emotions come raging back into my head (and words), please let me say this: I love you, and I am truly sorry. This is the single worst thing I've ever done, and I know that no amount of love will ever make up for it. But, if you could find that small amount in you that still loves me, then please let me prove to you that I can be good. Please let us move on and be happy. Being happy with people is the only thing we can do in this uncaring world. Nothing else matters, in the end.

Love,

Nelson

On the Side of the Earth

2007-10-08T22:43:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wish I could just walk out on a lamp pole, out to the edge...

And jump into the clouds.

Eternal Sunshine

2007-10-08T22:31:00.001-07:00

You know, I just want to erase it. Big Brother, 1984 style. Make it so it never existed. Hell, erase everything. Wipe my memory of anything past last week.

Sometimes I think the problem with my memory is just my mind trying to kill itself.

An Open Letter to You

2007-10-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

I understand that this whole thing can't be discussed in a series of inelegantly worded blog posts, but that's the only time I have to talk with you. There is a lot to say, I guess. I guess I think that if we talk about things and interact on a 1 to 1 basis, things will resolve themselves faster.

I won't say I know exactly what you're feeling, but I think I have some idea. I hope you liked the rose today, and I hope you'll allow me to continue showing you my love for you.

I realize I'm writing this solely to one person. If anyone else reads this blog, I'm sorry. Please comment and tell me to shut the fuck up. Otherwise, I'll continue to write what's on my mind.

sin x =/= good health

2007-10-08T21:08:00.001-07:00

You know, I'm becoming bipolar. I've got the guilt of the action inside of me, which in normal cases leads to horrible depression. Whenever I try to take a more philosophical "Shit Happens, get over it" look at it, I become a bit numb. That's good.

Then I see you, and fall in love again. I wish we could be alone for a moment to talk. I wish I could hug you.

But then someone mentions the thing that happens, and the crystal lattice of security I have shatters. I fall down to the depths of depression again.

The period of this type of sin wave is approx. 4 hours. Shit seems to keep happening. Or rather, people keep talking about shit happening. I wish they would move on. Then we could.

I'm damaged bad at best.

2007-10-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Well, these have been the best and worst few weeks of my life. The best, because of someone very special to me. And, the worst, because of someone not so special to me, and the fact that I'm a blithering idiot.

For the better part of the last month, I've been going out with someone. She's really amazing. She makes my day. Our relationship has been very good, and we get along well.

I fucked it up. A lot. Hopefully she won't (or rather, her friends won't) beat me senseless with my own amputated arms. I told her, though. I want to be honest with people, especially when they mean a lot to me. I dearly hope that we can work through this. I do. She means the world to me.

You know I wouldn't even dream of doing something like this again. It makes me physically sick to think about it. I'm sorry.

Senior Picnic

2007-09-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

or, "How I learned to stop worrying and love the sun."

Well, we had senior picnic today. It wasn't that eventful, so I'll give you a boring bulleted list:

-No. Fucking. Sun. It was cloudy all day at Waterworld. There was sun for exactly 30 seconds. That's it.

-Drinks. Something happened, and everyone's drink was a disaster. They tasted like death.

-Did I mention it was fricking cold? I went into the wave pool, and nearly died. I did. Really.

-When we got back to school, the sun came out. We (Nicole and I) lay ourselves in the sun for awhile. Mmm...sun.

The best thing about today (other than stuff which I will not make known on here until I can describe it with some elegance) was the fact that I rode my bike to school wearing shorts, a T-shirt, and a towel slung around my neck. Being a senior is great.

A Day in the Life

2007-09-11T22:05:00.001-07:00

Well, today I'll do a post about what actually happened to me today. Amazing, no? I walked to school again (my bike is dead at the moment), but I brought my guitar. Before school I got to play a little "Say Yes" by Elliot Smith, and got to see cool people.

Then, boring. Then, after school.

Nicole and I walked from school to Borders, then got lunch/dinner at Whole Foods (soup, latkes, falafel, and cake). We then walked over to Target in a futile search for a swimsuit (for her, not me). After that, we walked back to school, where her dad was picking her up. I walked home and got yelled at. Oh, also: My dad took my cell phone, so just message me or email me. Thanks.

Today was a very satisfying day. Satisfying enough for a literal transcription of events, without even an allusion or metaphor. (Ok, I lied. It's chock full of allusions, double entendres, and inside jokes.)

EDIT: Oh, and walking home from school was great. I played beatles songs as the sun went down, walking down the iron horse trail.

Oh, my god!

2007-09-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

This is amazing:

The Standard Creepiness Rule: Don't date anyone under

(age / 2) +7

Reading Blogs

2007-09-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like, when I read people's blogs, that I'm reading their thoughts. I guess I am. That was stupid.

What I meant is that the words written down seem like they're for a certain audience, not the general public. That blogs rely on the anonymity of the internet for their freedom of thought. I just finished reading somebody's blog in its entirety. There's not much I can say; too much information in my head. It's like I just finished reading an interesting novel, but I know that I'll talk to them tomorrow, and they'll be real. Have you ever wanted a novel not to end? It's a strange feeling.

Maybe I'm just too sentimental about these kinds of things. I need to get out more. On second (third?) thought, I need to make some money, so I can go places. I'd like to go to Singapore sometime.

Dream Repitition

2007-09-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've actually been having a lot of dreams with a cold/warm, soft/hard theme. For instance, I was on the cold, hardwood floor. Then I got into a warm bed (there was someone in the bed). Then they left, and it was a cold, soft bed.

I actually had a nightmare the other day, though. It's been awhile. I don't remember the plot, but the main entity was a man with a bird's head (like a mask, not a real bird). For some reason, it was part of him. Then it was removed, and there was only his neck (I think he was naked, or shirtless, or whatever. There were bare shoulders and a neck). The strange thing was that there wasn't blood, bone, or anything inside his neck. it was just dark. Then, I wondered what was inside. At that moment, his body (skin) split in two, as if pulled from the left and right. It split down the center, and there was nothing. The skin was made of that rubbery fake skin used on professional masks and such. When it had been torn from his body, there was simply dark space, but his presence was still there. Hm.

My True Course Schedule

2007-09-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't get into Calculus, and college Physics is really easy, so here is my revised schedule for the year:

High School:
Composition- Writing essays on things. Maybe I can share some of my better ideas. I doubt anyone in my class will grok. Damn.
Government/Econ- Debating the inaccuracies and assumptions of Americans. Too bad I'm one of the only debaters in the class.
PE- Funny teacher, people I know. Sweat. I haven't played tennis in years.
Spanish 3- We went over ser/estar today. It's gonna be a long year...
Newspaper/Choir- Fun classes with lax regulations.

College:
Physics- Just like I took last year, except with less homework, a bit more calculus, and no Sater.

Out of School:
Japanese- I need to study for next summer.
Chinese- I need to study for next summer as well.
Calculus- blarg. Hopefully I can get help when I inevitably don't understand something.

If there's anything else I need to learn, please tell me. Oh, and Jenny finished Stranger in a Strange Land. Jenny, thou art god.

139 Days...

2007-09-09T11:26:00.001-07:00

I'm fine with being alone. I've been responsible for myself for as long as I can remember. I would make myself dinner, I'd look over my own homework, and I'd find my own transportation. This is how I've lived for 14 years. Then I moved to San Ramon.

In San Ramon, living with my dad, I've experienced the worst parts of the independence/responsibility spectrum. I still need to do things for myself, but I am barred from the independence I used to have. For instance, I have to provide my own transportation. Sometimes, I get a ride from a friend. Sometimes they even offer me one. My dad forbids this. You know, I'm fine with not having support if I can have independence, but this is ridiculous. I cannot wait until the legal link between us is gone. It's sad, but I really don't have any emotional connection with my parents. This is why I value my friendships so highly: You are all I have. You have the capacity to grok. You are rational, you are intelligent; you are creative. You are all amazing people, and I love you. I really do.

I'm sorry if my thoughts are jumbled, but I hope my point comes across. Because the vast majority of humanity is such shit (me included), I feel such happiness when I find truly awesome individuals. Then, when irrational restrictions are placed upon me...

So, I wait until I have my freedom again.

Calculus, Physics, and People Oh My!

2007-09-02T23:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm tired. Now is the time to write, no? Mia says I should get more sleep, to be healthier. Perhaps.

Anyways, calculus. I need calculus. I dearly, desperately need calculus. I'll try to get it, if I can. I also haven't heard back from CCSF about taking physics online. I hate it when things like this happen: My parents make me take something for no reason, at my expense. Damn.

Is anyone free tomorrow? Seeing as how only a few people read this, and I've probably asked those people already, I'll assume the answer is no. If anyone out there is in the San Francisco Bay Area and free tomorrow, give me a call. I'm feeling Holden Caulfield-esque.

Also, watch Jeni's Video. It's amazing:

http://www.last.fm/music/Jeni+Chan

Abstract words

2007-09-02T23:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight Nicole and I agreed to disagree to agree to disagree that she had musical talent. I noticed how abstract the words got, then how they broke into their component pants. Wait...

I meant parts, I really did. You might ask, "well, why didn't he just edit that post?" Stream of conciousness, bitches.

------

Anyways, Some updates:

1. I got a guitar. Finally. it's an old Hohner, but it sounds fine. I should start practicing more.

2. Books! Berkeley, BOOKS! I bought The Trial and American Gods...and The Hobbit (I hadn't a copy). I almost bought a lot more, but I needed to save for the guitar. w00t!

3. Lunch with Yi Ling. You may remember her from freshman year of HS, or not. She was a major part of both Redefined and The Saturday Club. We need to restart those fine institutions. (We lunched at the sandwitch place on Telegraph, and conversed about politics, environmentalism, and college. In a word, fun.)

Political Stump Speech

2007-08-31T20:44:00.000-07:00

"I personally believe that, U.S. Americans are unable to do so, because some… people out there in our nation that don’t have maps, and I believe that our education, like such, as in South Africa and Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should… our education over here in the U.S., should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future.., for our…"

This sounds better than some politician's stump speeches that I've heard.

Updates? We don't need no stinkin' updates...

2007-08-30T23:58:00.000-07:00

Right. So I updated my blog thrice in the span of an hour after months of inactivity. I'll really start posting again. I promise. Maybe.

Either way, I've been really busy in the interim. Here's a brief overview of my life since last year:

-awesome junior year with kinavey and sloan. and triebwasser. and everyone in choir. I met the seniors more and became sort of part of the group, almost. I half met a lot of cool people.
-Seniors graduated. Shit.
-Broke up with Alyssa Lee. Our relationship was dying. So it goes.
-Started a relationship with my friend's guitar while he was in China. Now I can play passably, but only after 11:00 pm. Probably has something to do with my habits of sharing information at that same late hour. Maybe.
-Met Jeni, Marta, and Nicole. Realized we were the cool seniors. Justin is back at cal high, so everything is fine.
-Talked to Mia again. It's been too long. She still owes me two hugs.
-Went Meteor Shower -gazing. An orgy with clothes. Read jenny's blog for more info. Fun. Too few pictures.
-Berkeley. My god. Heaven. I grok it in fullness. Had lunch with Jenny, then met Shomik, Scott, Anna, and a million other people for dinner. Didn't see Fight Club (again!). Walked through Oakland to the BART station. Resolved to see Jenny more often, and others too.
-I just emailed some people I've known for a short time, but a long time ago. They were awesome. Also, who is "Anna from Newspaper"? I need to find her. She seems awesome.
-Back to school. Classes are a bit shit. No AP's, so I'm teaching myself calculus and japanese.

This summer (2008) I'll go to Japan and HK, and see some friends. I've never been to either place, and I hope I can raise enough money to go. Also, Chamber Singers. Oh mans, it's fun.

Also, congrats Anna for making choir (Berkeley). Have fun!

Emotional Connections

2007-08-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

I've often described relationships between people as "emotional connections." You might think that this is a very cold term. I agree. But this is what they are, and that term is the most all-encompassing phrase that I can use to describe them.

"Emotional Relationships" refers to any relationship an individual (or unit) has with a piece of information, whether it be another individual (or rather, the first person's sense of who the other person is), a physical object, or an idea, where the individual values that other piece of information. In short, Emotional Relationships describe all connection we have with the world.

I have hypothesized that emotional relationships have three basic roots: Geographic, Chemical, and Memeographic. A geographic relationship is simple: If an individual has constant physical contact with something, they become attached to it (either positively or negatively). This applies to people and places directly.

Chemical relationships occur inside the individual's body. This includes endorphins and the like.

Memeographic relationships come from constant contact with a single, distinct set of information. (In the abstract, it could be postulated that our senses are simply information, rendering the other two groups redundant.) Memes are things like mannerisms, cultural teachings, stereotypes, cliches, and such. These sometimes combine with the other two to form complex relationships, such as love (memeographic, chemical, and geographic) and culture (memeographic and geographic).

As I can't type anymore, I shall go to bed. Feel free to call me with any ideas or corrections. Anytime when I'm not in class, I'll answer.

Information

2007-08-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered that I want to go to Berkeley for college. As I have atrocious grades, the chance of my admittance there is nil. I'll go there when I'm a junior, though.

What I wanted to talk about tonight is Information. I cannot stress how important this is to me. Some value manners, some courage, and some faith. I value information. Raw, free flowing information, reaching from the deepest depths of the mind into the vast reaches of space. Information that is exchanged effortlessly between people and the world. Information that is not subject to societal attitudes or prejudices. Information that can links people together into emotional relationships. In a word, Nirvana.

When one is all knowing and connected, yet independent. That is my idea of Heaven. This is what I strive for. This is what shapes how I look at the world and interact with others. I desire information. I desire to share my information. I want one-ness and grokking.

"This is my letter to the world"

2007-08-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

Good day everyone. I've found out why I never post on this blog. I don't communicate during the day. I never have. Since I was sentient, I've always kept my mouth shut, using only perfunctory communication to stay alive. It is at night that I used to read. Thus, it is at night that I write.

Mostly I would rant to people on AIM. If you are someone I've done this to, I apologize. It is the only means of communication that I truly enjoy. At night, it seems, my inhibitions are lowered. In this way, my lack of sleep is much like alcohol.

I presume I will continue to post in this manner, so that I may share a bit of myself, and the information with which I am constituted, with all of you. I have read your blogs, I know about you. I'd like to grok you. I'd like to have emotional connections with you. Yet, this is a two way process. We cannot grok unless you grok me. Here I am.

I guess the next logical step is for you to read, and me to post. I shall do this in short order. If you really want to know me, more than just my smile or comments, I would suggest calling me. Imagine that you are Holden Caulfield, and it's 2 AM on some cold, New York night. Late august. You desperately want to talk with someone, connect with someone. You aren't depressed, just alone.

I'd also suggest that you call either at night, when I'm in the city/Berkeley (somewhere where I can think), or when I have consumed alcohol. As I don't particularly like the taste of beer, and wine is expensive, I think your best bet would be at night. (925) 577-3990.

Addendum to the Previous Post

2007-07-18T08:22:00.001-07:00

The sad part is that I don't remember the girl too well. We both knew who we were, and she's been in many of my dreams, but when I met her...it was a dream again. At least I sorta remember her face...

I've just realized: Underneath my cold, cynical exterior, I'm just a hopeless romantic. I hope you are too.

Sorry for the lack of updates,

2007-07-18T08:09:00.000-07:00

I've been busy this year. But first I wanted to share with you my dream:

It was the new school year, and we were milling about the old concrete campus, meeting friends and waiting for our schedules. I found a group of my friends in what looked like an abandonned concrete house, and we got some blankets and sat down to chat. There was this girl there, who I vaguely recognized. She saw me and came up to me, smiling once, then I remembered: She was the girl from my dreams. I've had recurring dreams about her on and off all my life. She was here. I asked her if she remembered something, and she said yes. Then she kissed me on the cheek.

We sat there together as we waited, until it was time to go. Packing up the blankets, I asked her, "Will we meet again?" She replied yes.

The scene started panning out until we saw the school. It's main buildings, a mess of concrete and steel, formed an intricate maze of classrooms, walkways, and dead ends. I've been here before. My gaze shifted over the parking lot towards the new building, a bastion of cleanliness and science. The students down below seemed like ants crawling over rubble.

Later in the dream, I was in a mall. I was chained to a door, and my suitcase was in front of me. I was waiting for someone. The girl? Strangers surrounded me. My suitcase was stolen, and they started rummaging through it. I screamed for them to stop, then screamed for police, help, anyone! But no passerby would listen.

We (my friends, a teacher or two, and I) followed the thief to the northern woods (why is the wilderness always "northern"? Damn Romans), where we searched until shool was to begin. Then, we heard a shrill cry, and realized: The man committed suicide. We couldn't leave his body to the woods, so we started searching. Eventually, I found it, hanging from a tree. I brought it in, and they accepted it. We could start back.

An old professor (Dumbledore?) spoke to us, though he wasn't there. He said that we need to get to school before something bad happens. At least, that was the tone of his voice. We gathered our posessions and mounted our horses. I worried if the girl would be ok...

Another Quiz, ne

2006-08-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

愛してるよ。

*Love survey(only for people in relationships)*
How old are you?:	16 years
are you in love?:	yes
if so, with who?:	Alyssa Lee
how long have u been going out?:	almost 3 months
Would you do anything for this person?:	everything
Have u ever met this person face to face?:	yes
does it matter?:	I would think so...
Have you ever told your bf/gf that you love them:	yes
Whats your bf's/gf's FULL name(first middle last):	Lee Ming Xin (I don't know her FULL name...she needs to write it down, ne)
did you mean it when you said I love you?:	absolutely
do you believe in love at first sight?:	ehh...not really
Do you believe love and lovemaking go together?:	hm? I..I think so
Are you a virgin?:	yes
do you want to get married?:	yes
have kids?:	maybe
How far have you gone with your bf/gf:	um...Make Out Plus+
how far do you want to go?:	Mariage, life
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with your bf/gf:	yes
if not, how long?:
last question, what is love?:	putting another person's wellbeing and happyness above your own
more space if you need it.:
more space if you need it.:
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

wo ai ni

2006-07-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

我好想你。因为我很久没有看见你，我很想哭。

wo hao xiang ni. yin wei wo han jiu mei you kan jian ni, wo han xiang ku.

I'm still learning the Chinese input, so that was done in (what I think was) sinplified. "wei" looks simplified, and so does "jian".

The Last Quiz

2006-06-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

*Really Long Survey (over 200)*
What is your name?:	Nelson M. Pecora
Are you named after anyone?:	no
What's your screename?:	YoshoKatana
Would you name a child of yours after you?:	no
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:	Nelly -_-;
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:	Yoshizawa is an awsome last name..
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:	Pecora...cannot be said or typed properly in this country
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:	no
Basics
Your gender::	male
Straight/Gay/Bi::	straight
Single?:	no
If not, do you want to be?:	no
Birthdate::	January 26
Your age::	16
Age you act::	36 perhaps?
Age you wish you were::	22
Your height::	5'10"
Eye color::	blue
Happy with it?:	yes
Hair color::	brown
Happy with it?:	yes
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::	right
Your living arrangement::	tidy, but with cables everywhere
Your family::	closet asians
Have any pets?:	not at home
Whats your job?:	literature and film afficionado...aka bored student
Piercings?:	no
Tattoos?:	no
Obsessions?:	yes...anime, gaming, books, &c
Addictions?:	I'm addicted to Alyssa ^_^
Do you speak another language?:	somewhat: japanese, spanish
Have a favorite quote?:	"...it is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. Will you forgive me?" -Jack, Importance of Being Ernest
Do you have a webpage?:	yes, but it's not good
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:	technically speaking, yes
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:	somewhat: I try to be
Do you have any secrets?:	yes
Do you hate yourself?:	sometimes
Do you like your handwriting?:	when I print neatly
Do you have any bad habits?:	I'm too polite?
What is the compliment you get from most people?:	"You're so polite!"
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:	Anzu No Nennen
What's your biggest fear?:	suffocation
Can you sing?:	Apparently, though I don't admit it
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:	not really
Are you a loner?:	no
What are your #1 priorities in life?:	knowlege and helping people
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:	Yes, we'd have so much in common!
Are you a daredevil?:	no
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:	not really
Are you passive or agressive?:	I'm passive/agressive! (passive really, but that question was lined up for that kind of response)
Do you have a journal?:	a blog...
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:	strength: drive for knowlege, weakness: lack of physical strength
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:	more energetic
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:	somewhat
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:	I haven't done much in life yet!
Do you think life has been good so far?:	relatively
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:	Don't assume anything
What do you like the most about your body?:	My eyes are very good
And least?:	my strength is not good
Do you think you are good looking?:	I suppose so
Are you confident?:	maybe
What is the fictional character you are most like?:	...Kenshin-sama!
Are you perceived wrongly?:	rarely
Do You...
Smoke?:	no
Do drugs?:	no
Read the newspaper?:	I read the Onion, and the Nichi Bei Times
Pray?:	no
Go to church?:	no
Talk to strangers who IM you?:	for about five minutes, because they are never total strangers
Sleep with stuffed animals?:	no
Take walks in the rain?:	I bike home from school...
Talk to people even though you hate them?:	If I have to
Drive?:	no, but I need to
Like to drive fast?:	no!
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:	when singing...sometimes...rarely
Hurt yourself?:	not intentionally
Been out of the country?:	yes
Eaten something that made other people sick?:	pickels, for some reason my friends didn't like them
Been in love?:	yes
Done drugs?:	no
Gone skinny dipping?:	no
Had a medical emergency?:	yes: appendicitis
Had surgery?:	yes, appendectemy, oral surgery a few times
Ran away from home?:	no
Played strip poker?:	no
Gotten beaten up?:	no
Beaten someone up?:	only a bully
Been picked on?:	yes
Been on stage?:	yes
Slept outdoors?:	yes
Thought about suicide?:	yes, but it would be dishonorable and hurt others
Pulled an all nighter?:	yes
If yes, what is your record?:	rehh? Um...the night...
Gone one day without food?:	no
Talked on the phone all night?:	once, although I'm not sure it was all night
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:	um...no
Slept all day?:	when sick
Killed someone?:	no
Made out with a stranger?:	no
Had sex with a stranger?:	no
Thought you're going crazy?:	But if we think we're crazy, it means we're sane. But then we think we're sane, and....paradox
Kissed the same sex?:	only in Italy (on the cheeks)
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:	no
Been betrayed?:	yes
Had a dream that came true?:	I think so
Broken the law?:	cough
Met a famous person?:	yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:	no
On purpose?:	no
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:	no
Stolen anything?:	music...?
Been on radio/tv?:	a while ago..I can't remember
Been in a mosh-pit?:	no
Had a nervous breakdown?:	eh..yes
Bungee jumped?:	no
Had a dream that kept coming back?:	yes
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?:	maybe
Miracles?:	no
Astrology?:	no (I-Ching...maybe)
Magic?:	no
God?:	no
Satan?:	no
Santa?:	no..?
Ghosts?:	no
Luck?:	eh...sort of
Love at first sight?:	chemically, but not romantically
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:	no
Witches?:	no
Easter bunny?:	no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:	yes, to someone you love
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:	no
Do you wish on stars?:	no
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:	no
Do you think God has a gender?:	no
Do you believe in organized religion?:	no
Where do you think we go when we die?:	Molecules and tissue break down and feed other living things
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:	yes
Who is your best friend?:	I don't think I have one
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:	probably Mia-san
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:	Never assume anything
Your favourite inside joke?:	The internet
Thing you're picked on most about?:	geekiness
Who's your longest known friend?:	That I still talk to...?
Newest?:	Shieldclock-san!
Shyest?:	Clare-san
Funniest?:	everyone!
Sweetest?:	Nozomi-chan
Closest?:	Jason-san
Weirdest?:	eh....maybe Jason-san...hard to tell
Smartest?:	Yi Ling-san!
Ditziest?:	I'm not sure..
Friends you miss being close to the most?:	All the seniors who moved away!
Last person you talked to online?:	Alyssa-chan
Who do you talk to most online?:	Either Jason-san or Shieldclock-san
Who are you on the phone with most?:	Alyssa-chan
Who do you trust most?:	Alyssa-chan
Who listens to your problems?:	Jason-san
Who do you fight most with?:	no one
Who's the nicest?:	Clare-san
Who's the most outgoing?:	Jason-san -_-;
Who's the best singer?:	Alyssa-chan!!!
Who's on your shit-list?:	John-kun, Riz's brother (he's a n00b)
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:	no
Who's your second family?:	Jason-san's family ^_^;
Do you always feel understood?:	nope
Who's the loudest friend?:	Shan-san
Do you trust others easily?:	eh...somewhat
Who's house were you last at?:	Kasey-sempai
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::	Alyssa-chan
Do your friends know you?:	yes
Friend that lives farthest away::	Friends in Italy
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:	no
What do you find romantic?:	snuggling (though I don't like that word, it sounds childish)
Turn-on?:	trusting me, falling asleep in my arms
Turn-off?:	cold shoulder, throwing things at me ^_^;
First kiss?:	awkward ^_^;
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:	awkward..
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:	A bit..but not too much
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:	I don't know, sometimes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:	eh...not really
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:	I think so
What is best about the opposite sex?:	grace and soft beauty
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:	throwing of most objects...at me
What's the last present someone gave you?:	Paper plate awards
Are you in love?:	yes
Do you consider your significant other hot?:	yes ^_^;
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:	Yuki-san
You wanted to kill?:	no one
That you laughed at?:	I don't know
That laughed at you?:	wakarinai
That turned you on?:	Alyssa-chan
You went shopping with?:	Alyssa-chan
That broke your heart?:	Mia-san
To disappoint you?:	Jason-san
To ask you out?:	eh..no one
To make you cry?:	The movie Oldboi
To brighten up your day?:	Alyssa-chan
That you thought about?:	Alyssa-chan
You saw a movie with?:	Alyssa-chan
You talked to on the phone?:	Alyssa-chan
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:	hehe..Alyssa-chan
You saw?:	Amber-san
You lost?:	hm? Jenny-san, I suppose
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:	yes
Will it be with your significant other?:	hopefully ^_^;
Or some random person?:	no
What are you wearing right now?:	warm weather clothing
Body part you're touching right now::	My computer is practically an external organ
What are you worried about right now?:	proper speling and typing
What book are you reading?:	Gravity's Rainbow, Importance of Being Ernest, How To Read Literature Like a Professor, Lies My Teacher Told Me
What's on your mousepad?:	laptop, no mousepad!
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::	blurry, content, bored, not intimidating
Are you bored?:	right now, yes
Are you tired?:	yes
Are you talking to anyone online?:	yes
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:	no
Are you lonely or content?:	content
Are you listening to music?:	strangely no
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

YoshoBlog II: Return of the quiz

2006-06-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, I'm back from the dark, tepid regions of the offline world. My computer has been down for almost two months, and I have just aquired an ibook. So, long story short (ok...medium length story short...fine, short sentence shorter): I'm back.

Nozumi-chan, here's that quiz I filled out. I hope it doesn't destroy my page formatting.

*gIrLfRiEnD*
~W`H`A`T`S~ H`E`R~
NAME?:	Alyssa Lee
FAV. BAND?:	Ayumi Hamasaki
FAV. FOOD?:	Italian
FAV MAG?:
FAV. ANIMAL?:
FAV. SINGER?:	Ayumi Hamasaki
FAV. T.V. SHOW?:	Survivor, etc

~D`O`E`S~S`H`E~
BITE?:	fingers
LOVE YOU?:	yes
HATE YOU?:	no
HAVE FRIENDS?:	yes
SMOKE CIGS?:	no
SMOKE WEED?:	no
DO DRUGS?:	no
POP PILLS?:	no
DRINK?:	sake
MAKE YOU HAPPY?:	yes
TRUST YOU?:	yes

~i`S~S`H`E~
BI POLAR?:	no
GAY?:	no
SUICIDAL?:	a little
A VIRGIN?:	yes
SCARED 2 HAVE SEX?:	? (shy..)
DEDICATED TO YOU?:	I think so
PRETTY?:	Very much so
CUTE?:	Yes!
FUNNY?:	yes
UNIQUE?:	suprisingly so
SOMEONE YOU'D BE WITH FOR A LONG TIME?:	definitely
SPECIAL TO YOU?:	more than anything
IMPORTANT?:	yes
SMART?:	yes

~R`A`N`D`O`M~
HAIR?:	originally black/red, now brown
EYES?:	brown (green contacts)
PERSONALITY?:	My sassy girl
LOOKS?:	kawaii
FRIENDS?:	band geeks seem less scary than my other friends sometimes
ALL IN ALL?:	cute, emo, amazing...with claws

~W`O`U`L`D~Y`O`U~`E`V`E`R~
KILL FOR HER?:	perhaps
KISS HER?:	hehe..yes ^_^
HOLD HER?:	yes!
LET HER FALL ASLEEP IN YOUR ARMS?:	yes!
PLEASE HER?:	If she wanted to be pleased (baka hentai quizu)
LIVE WITH HER?:	yes
MARRY HER?:	I think so

Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

Flikr

2006-04-01T22:42:00.000-08:00

Just because Yahoo's having trouble with the hosting and bandwidth fees of a popular, free site. Also, for non-dev art things, like photos of all of you. O_O

Drawball

2006-03-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

In the name of 4chan, I proclaim a holy war of drawing on "t3h intarnets", specifically http://www.drawball.com/ This shall be our holiest of holy wars, and the spirit of Longcat and Pedobear will guide us to infinite justice!!

Create a large, red /B/ in the upper right of the drawball. Go forthe, my 4chan army!!

Welcome to Skobee!

2006-03-11T17:46:00.000-08:00

This new website (just launched) is a great way for people to make plans and send invitations to both casual, small scale events and large gatherings. I recommend everyone who reads this blog to join, because I know how hard it is for our group to make plans.

A bit of poetry, a Sample

2006-03-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

"A blazing firestorm of deepest greed

and loathsome hatred haunt this land,
but in this haunted house there lies
a deep white rose, a pure respite

for ever will the young still love
in secret, will their hearts be won."

A Quick Update

2006-03-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Approximately 93,773 casualties in Iraq, but likely this is much less than the actual amount. The Bush Administration says, "We don't do body counts."

Getting Dumber

2006-02-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been awhile since I last posted. I got my widom teeth out on Friday, and I've spent the weekend listenning to the audiobook of The Da Vinci Code...again. I've done some homework, and resolved to post on this blog more often. So, without further ado, I've got some announcements:

Monday, Feb 20- Happy birthday Jenny! I hope you feel better soon!

Next Weekend- I'll be staying with my mom (she just moved to San Francisco). Anything anyone wants from the Apple Store, or Nihonmachi (Japantown), just ask me. Donations are incouraged. ^_^''

Soon- I'll be buying a Palm T|X handheld, and I'll review it on this blog. It should be l337.

NOTE- I do not like being on "Valium". I don't see how people can get hooked to this stuff. Seriously, I don't. It's like being both tired and dizzy, at the same time. Not fun.

EDIT: Whoops! That's vicodin, not valium. I guess I don't know my drugs very well, ne? ^_^''

Poem, written in the rain

2006-02-01T16:03:00.000-08:00

It was only a light sprinkle, ne?

The Passerby I knew

Perchance that I may hold you in my arms
once more, a vivid springtime's sweet embrace.
A memory of smiling ruby lips
to press against mine own and whisper soft
and beautiful words against mine tender ears.

What winter chill has blown in from the west?
A greater frost hath not befallen me,
nor more enfeebling cold hath filled mine heart
than long lost absence of your dear departing
form, a scattered trail of footprints in the snow.

But clouds, so long apart collide again,
and break the day to music in mine ears:
A laugh, so short and liken to the call
of morning birds a memory unleashed.
and followed by an image of your face,
sweet tears of joy like stars upon on your eyes.

Ph34r t3h p03try...

2006-01-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

w00t w00t! I am now officially a published author! See my poetry book (and buy some copies!) here! Thank you in advance, and tell your family and friends!

Oldboi

2006-01-14T18:40:00.000-08:00

The cathartic powers of a movie with that much sex, torture, violence, and incest is quite amusing, really. Breaking down the psyche to rebuild it, ne? Thank you Mia-san.

I'm happy now.

DA

2006-01-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

Well, I now have a DevART. I'll upload the rest of my projects tomorrow, ne?
Oyasumi nasai.

http://yoshokatana.deviantart.com/

Tidal Wave/Recede

2006-01-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

Well, the worst of the emotional tidal wave that hit at approximately 3:50 PM today is over. Part of me feels somewhat happy that I can (tomorrow) manage to look at Jenny-san without breaking down, the other half is still relatively stunned. But at least I can slowly rebuild our friendship, ne?

^_^''

A lyric(al) Interlude

2006-01-11T17:42:00.000-08:00

"So, what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you, and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through?
Do you cling to your pride and sing 'I will survive'
Do you lash out and say how 'dare you leave this way'
Do you hold on in vain as they as they just slip away?"

--Maria Carey, who I never thought I'd ever have to quote.

Commence emotional meltdown in three, two... one....

Re: Bike Talk

2006-01-09T16:08:00.000-08:00

Actually, the things I said here are a bit too personal to say on a public blog. So, Jenny, all I say is this: Please check your email. Thank you.

IME + FONTS

2006-01-06T15:04:00.000-08:00

As some might have known, I got the Windows IME to work. That means that I can write in japanese (kanji and kana, w00t) using my keyboard. So, I did. It only installs one japanese font, MS Mincho. That font suxx0rz. So I found a few nice ones (all the while my dad was wondering why I was surfing all those japanese sites, when I can't read japanese that well). I found a nice font, and here it is:

More Funny Things I've Discovered About Gmail

2006-01-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

In my SPAM folder, I was looking at the top bar, and I found a recipe for SPAM Hashbrown Bake. I love Gmail, and it's for both the big things (organization) and the small things (Spam recipes in the spam folder). Gmail r0xx0rz.

An Update to Intel's "Leapage"

2006-01-05T18:47:00.001-08:00

http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=28641

Apparrently, someone thought they should get ahead of Intel on their Marketing, and registered the domain leapsbeyond.com to rerout to AMD's page. (Leapahead.com goes to Intel's homepage)

Gmail's New Functionality

2006-01-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

This is awsome! While reading a gmail message I got from NION, I saw in the upper right hand corner that it mapped the adress supplied in the email. Here's a screenshot of the email. (The adress is at the bottom of the message, not shown, but in the text of the email)

Leap Ahead?

2006-01-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

Well, Intel is changing their logo, the "Intel Inside" motto and the "Circle E" logo, which made them the world's fifth most powerful brand. They are switching to "Leaping Foreward". Now, it's not the fact that their brand name is deeply ingraned into the minds of technology consumers that I will base my argument on. No, it's an old Apple ad, which can be found here. It's entitled "Lemmings". So, let's all leap ahead (off the cliff). Mmmm...that's good irony.

NOTE: As you have probably guessed, the last portion of this post was done haphazardly about a day after the first part. I apologize for the lack of journalistic and literary prowess.

Bl0ck4ge, Part I

2006-01-03T22:46:00.000-08:00

Well, the fallout of the Yuki IncidentTM is still haunting me. The person who we shall call Yuki-san just blocked me today. Because she lives in New Jersey, it's kinda hard to inquire as to why she hates me so much. She said it wasn't part of the IncidentTM, but I think it could be subconcious. Either way, it's a bad thing. She's a good friend of mine, and it's not fun when your friend comes to hate you, for no apparent reason. For the record, she's been ignoring me for a few weeks now, and I called today to ask some help on an algebra problem Jason and I were stumped by. She told me I had the wrong number, hung up, then proceeded to ignore the next two calls. I IMed her tonight, and had this conversation:

Haxor0mega: Yuki-san..why do you hate me?
Haxor0mega: Yuki-san...I know you're there
Haxor0mega: I know you picked up the phone today
Haxor0mega: ...
Haxor0mega: -_-''
Haxor0mega: *sigh*
Yuki-san: LEAVE
Yuki-san: ME
Yuki-san: ALONE
Haxor0mega: Just tell me why you are avoiding me, and I will
Haxor0mega: ...please
Haxor0mega: Yuki-san...please.. ...why?
Yuki-san: ....
Yuki-san: go
Yuki-san: away
Haxor0mega: *twitch*
WHY? Yuki-san, why do you want me to go away? Is this because of the thing with Badger? From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry about that! It's something one would commit sepukku over, but that would be cowardly. I need to suffer and live with what I've done..and I do suffer! There is a huge weight upon my heart, that I cannot relieve. But..I don't know how. If there was any way I could repent for what I've done, I would. So..if this is about that.. I'm sorry.... there's nothing more I can say...
Yuki-san: no...
Yuki-san: you just piss me off
*** "Yuki-san" signed off at Tue Jan 03 22:33:47 2006.

^_^

2006-01-03T20:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Menseversary, Jenny-chan!

Happy New Years!

2006-01-02T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well, it's finally 2006, and I've officially been on Gaia for a whole year. I remember the new years party last year (Yes, I have no life. I was on gaia...)...

In other news, I finally caught up on both Megatokyo and Ctrl+Alt+Del. I'd like to point out Mr. Buckley's new project, a CAD animation:
http://www.cad-premium.com/

See the trailers there. It looks to be neat! ^_^

At the art thread on gaia, I got a nice avi art (avitar art). I'm awaiting a second, but the first is on the left. It's cute. ^_^''

yearly Earnings

2005-12-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

I know this may sound a bit consumeristic of me, but I'm going to post what I got for Christmas. Everyone else is doing it, so...there.

$40 in Borders gift cards
$20 EB Games gift card
$20 Target Gift Card
$15 iTunes Gift Card
A vest that is fluffy
A "hoodie" that is also somewhat fluffy
Two ThinkGeek shirts: "Shrodinger's Cat is Dead" and "Pi"
$200 Cash (which I am forbiddon to spend, my parents say)
$120 in Newegg Gift Certificates
The Thursday Next novels The Eyre Affair and Something Rotten. (I'm going to reread that series)
Two Venetian Masks (for Carnival)
My dad's old PDA (which is an M515. Mine is an M500. That's 15 points of l337ness better, I suppose)
A new NOKIA cell phone (with camera! ^_^ ). I shall name it Sakura-chan. It's black.
A spindle of 50 DVD-Rs
A G5 laser mouse
A Creative SoundBlaster X-Fi ExtremeMusic Sound Card
------------------------------

With the various monetary units I aquired, I bought:
A Saitek Eclipse Keyboard (I'll post a review soon). (blue lights r0xx0r!)
A new D-Link DWL-G510 Wireless Card (It works sooo much better than my old card)
A Lite-On Sw33t DVD Burner, black (to match Motoko-chan)
The Prima Strategy Guide for Battlefield 2
(soon to buy) BF2: Special Forces
Japanese for DUMMIES (Great series of reference books!)
(soon to buy)Something from ThinkGeek. Make suggestions in comment form, 'cause I can't decide what's best. Everything is just too l337!

Paradise Found

2005-12-26T22:18:00.000-08:00

Finally! I finally found my old digital camera, which I've been looking for for (I hate doubling those words) weeks! So, in celebracion, I took a few pictures of my desk, for you all to see how clean (not) it is. Enjoy:

On Left: My alarm clock (it forces me to get out of bed, being all the way across the room), My games, planner, ipod (Hikari-chan), PDA (old), and empty bag of throat drops (it's waterproof and sturdy. The bag, I mean)
On Right: My "To Do" list, crappy DELL keyboard, new G5 Mouse ( ^_^ ), Speakers (crappy tambien), Pens, Base of my lamp (too bright), my Shelf of Sentimentality +10 (TM), and the bottom of my Board of Random Crap.

Oh, right. I forgot about t3h M4tr1x.

Pre-Christmas

2005-12-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not really excited about Christmas for some reason. Uh oh...I think my athiestism might be setting in! O.O'' Oh well, I'll have fun on Christmas day, I hope.

I'm feeling antisocial today. Need videogames. Bleh to spending time with family.

In other (happier) news, I got a $100 newegg gift certificate from grandparents (mother's side). I can upgrade one of three things for my computer. Which should it be? (comment)

1. Sound card: Buy a Creative X-Fi (ExtremeMusic). It has t3h awsome virtual 3d-ness, so I don't need expensive speakers/headphones.

2. RAM: I only have 512 megs, and I'm a gamer. (Processer= P4 2.4 gig, w/ Radeon 9800 PRO Graphics Card). I could get 1 gig for $100. Should I?

3. Periferals: My keyboard is loud, and my mouse sucks (for gaming and photoshop). I could get a Saitek Eclipse keyboard (blue lights in the dark) and a Logitek G5 Gaming mouse (t3h awsome mouse that PGGamer staff uses). The keyboard is quiet enough to chat and write on my computer whithout everyone in the house hearing.

I can't make up my mind. I think either option 2 or 3 are best. I'll wait until after christmas before ordering, because I think I'll get more coupons and maybe some comp stuff. ^_^

5 Things

2005-12-23T22:03:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged, grr.

The Rules <-as always

The first player of this game starts with the topic "My Five Weird Habits" and people who get tagged have to write a Xanga (or other blog) entry about their 5 weird habits, as well as set the rules clearly. At the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list them in your entry. Don't forget to leave them comments to tell them you tagged them and to read your site to see the details.

1.) I read while walking. I know it's not that uncommon, but it's really dangerous, mostly because I'm a clutz. I've been trying to limit this. If you see me doing this, slap me, please..

2.) I have multiple personalities (sorta). Most people have "moods", but I think I take it too far. Here are some of my "moods":
--Ecchimaru: "ecchi" in japanese means "pervert". This is when I burst out laughing because of subtle sexual connotations (hint: waffles). I blame Jason for corrupting my mind. >_>
--Samurai (Hagakure): When I'm angry at incompetence/republicans/people I get really cynical and devolve into the state of mind I had when researching hagakure: "the way of the samurai." I usually try to suppress this, or I attack the offending person. (hint: last year, umbrella, that asshole in adv. world history I)
--Sapumaru: "sappy" maru. The most cliched and overly romantic of people, this "personality" resides mostly in my head. I try to keep it there. If I don't: bad love poetry. *shudder*
--Emomaru: I am a failure at everything. I really am. But black is too trendy (I wear enough as it is)

3.) When I'm really annoyed (super-killing time-annoyed, only happens about once a year, hopefully) I develope a nervous twitch in my right eye, which annoys me even more. It usually goes away after about an hour of not being near the offending person.

4.) I can get tired easily, when I am content/happy. If there is nothing that needs attention, I'll rest my eyes. (Like a screen saver! ^_^ ) This usually happens when I'm around Jenny-chan (Like a cat, I am, ne?)

5.) The wierdest habit of mine has to be the japanese thing. By this I mean that I use japanese expressions (nani, ne, konnichiwa, "sou desu ka", etc) in normal speech. I'm learning japanese, and I think I've got it into my mind to practice as much as I can. Well, now it's hardcoded into my behaviour. (I also spell things differently, either british or phonetically. Example, "behaviour"). I apologize if you don't like japan, or think I'm being a baka gaijin "stupid foreigner" trying to imitate japanese people. I assure you, by now it's all subconcious. ^_^''

Ok, now for tagging... hmm... Justin (If you ever read this), and anyone who reads this who hasn't done it already.

Web-log

2005-12-04T18:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. Since I figured out people actually read this thing, I'll start making it interesting, ne? Comment (that little button at the bottom) on what you'd like to see in this blog, otherwise it will be personal stuff, anime, and technogeekiness, 24/7.

^_^'' Thank you for your consideration. (please don't hurt me!)

Love: Aftermath

2005-12-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

Omae wa kirei na to atama ga ii de gozaumasu, ne?

You figured it out. That didn't take long. I actually cried last night, tears of joy. I can't wait for monday!

(Oh, and I hope you do well on your SAT today! Ganbatte!!)

Love?

2005-12-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, I think I'm on the tipping point. Wait...no.. I've gone past it. I'm now tumbling down into the ditch. It's a nice warm fluffy ditch...but very frustrating. You know how it is. That whole "I want a new chance at love, to heal the scars in my heart and yours" stuff. So, there.

I love you.

I said it. You don't know if you are really who you think I think you are, and are getting confused now. I know. Because I just can't come out and say it, without this veil of secrecy. Also, I think I'm broadcasting it to the world, which seems to be the best way to say it. *deep breath* Yep...

Now you're thinking, "Does he mean me? No...that can't be. He wouldn't be that stupid to try to get into my heart, cause I already love another person. So it must be someone else." Of course you'll read this and think, "Wait, so that means it is me!"

Thus the vague paradox continues. You should confront me about it. But until then, this will be my only way to talk to you. Think of it like a love note; except it's not from Anonymous, it's to Anonymous. But you are a very specific girl, and I love you.

Omae wa daisuke desu.

Two Sides of the Argument

2005-10-30T18:01:00.000-08:00

Part of my brain says: "I with they would fucking die."

The other part says: "I hate myself for thinking this." It goes on to say, "I hate myself for the Yuki ordeal, for my grades, and for everything. If myself were a separate person, I would torture him until he died, painfully."
A little voice says, "Maybe Yuki-san would like to kill me. That would be good."

Because, of course, suicide is just stupid. Stupid and cowardly.

.....A series of unfortunate events?

My arm hurts...
My heart hurts...
I think my body is trying to kill itself.

I/O Brush

2005-10-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

This is awsome! This brush, on a special touch sensitive screen (like the smart boards my old school has) can do video, paint, etc..
See it here:
http://web.media.mit.edu/~kimiko/iobrush/
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=vwl98dU0kY8 (The video)

Go MIT!

Void Inside: Running Mac OS Tiger on your PC -The next geek thing to do?

2005-08-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

Void Inside: Running Mac OS Tiger on your PC -The next geek thing to do?

I like the second to last one:

Run linux in some device powered by electricity/God: XBOX, PS2, iPod, Mac, PC, PDA,Cellphone, toaster, food grinder with aluminum sharp blades..etc etc. Its the obsession of many geek senseis, MUST HAVE LINUX EVERYWHERE!!!1!!

How You Can Help: DSU

2005-08-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Ok, due to popular demand, I will post the checklist of things to do for DSU. Have fun:

Revise Club Constitution (post a comment or email me, and I'll send you the first draft)
Get general information on political issues. Post this information on our forums, at calDSU.org
Get information on old and pending Legislation relevant to our cause (and the full texts of each)
Get more Members
Design Logos, Websites/Forums, Banners, etc...
Write Introduction speech for first DSU meeting
Brainstorm activities and perhaps create a schedule for our meetings (aka: 10 min- general, 20 min- subcommittee, 15 min- open floor) (fit it into a lunch period timetable, and/or limited after school sessions

I'm Back!

2005-08-11T22:46:00.000-07:00

"What can I say? For better or worse, I'm back" --Church, RvB.

Well, finally I have returned to California. I'll see everyone, do work for fun and profit (DSU, Webdesign), and most importantly...see Mia-chan. I think this moment deserves a happy, content sigh.

In other news, my computer is now running optimumly. I'm listenning to classical music, doing aikido, and going back to Gaia. I'll be working with the GPD (Gaia Police Department), if anyone cares.

Does anyone care? Does anyone actually read this? Please, as a service to me and your peers, please post a comment on this entry, maybe saying "Hi" or "I hate you, you cannot draw, you cannot write, and you will die slowly." You know, something cheerful and uplifting.

Kamikazi Watermelons

2005-08-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hello Again. I'm really busy with stuff, but check out the new forums!

The Kamikazi Watermelons

DISCLAIMER: If you have AOL and cannot access that link, then you are a chump for having AOL. You should migrate immediately to a non-crappy ISP, and use browsers recommended by me:
Firefox
Opera
-or-
Safari

Ann Coulter, @&#%!!

2005-07-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

I am doing some work for DSU, and I was looking into Ann Coulter. For those who are privileged, and have not been exposed to her, she is the right wing's bulldog. Or, one of them. She has two websites, anncoulter.org and anncoulter.com. These are both owned by "Coulter, Ann" but they have two different PO Boxes listed as their "Street Address." They also have two different phone numbers, which coincidently do not correspond to the PO Boxes. Here's an overview:

Anncoulter.org:

* PO BOX 1241 New York, NY 10028-0009
* (202) 298-4766 [that's a Washington DC area code)
* anncoulter@aol.com

Anncoulter.com:

* PO BOX 447 Herndon, VA 20172-0447
* (570) 708-8780 [that's a northeastern and north-central Pennsylvania area code)
* ns7ff4bv5vy@networksolutionsprivateregistration.com

Now, I tend to believe the first one more, because the IP address is logged as being from Washington DC. I'm not sure what to make of this, because there could be a completely reasonable reason for having this inconsistency.

.....or she could be lying and making shit up.

Another Official Update: Xanga

2005-07-24T17:23:00.000-07:00

It also official now that my Xanga blog will no longer be updated. I've made a post with a link to this, so this will be the new blog. I'll be cleaning up this place, settling in, and working on stuff for the DSU. So....yeah. Make yourself at home.